Let's Get Back to Meaningful Conversations

When did we become a generation of people who shies away from having serious discussions?  I’ve got a hunch I’m not the only one who has noticed this growing trend of folks steering clear of any topic they think could potentially turn ugly.  I find myself wondering more and more often why this is, and if it’s everywhere or just here in my small state of Delaware. 

Whenever I try to speak about say political, spiritual or religious beliefs with family or friends, the overwhelming majority either doesn’t want to touch the topic with a ten foot pole or they immediately go on the defense.  I’m not someone who goes around perpetually seeking out this kind of conversation.  It’s just that it sometimes come up.  A news story may come onto the television, an article on religious wars is featured on the cover of a magazine, the new political election season or something to this effect will come up in some way, shape or form.  And when I comment on it, or ask the views of the person I am with, I usually get the same reaction.  An uncomfortable expression takes over their faces.  They either flat out state that they don’t want to have the conversation or they take on an automatic argumentative tone if they feel I’m not coming from the viewpoint that they are.  Sometimes, in rare instances, I’ll hear an opinion but it’s rarely ever backed with an explanation or facts, which I find equally irritating.  And now with more corruption in our religious institutions, with a plethora of new political campaigns being launched, and an endless supply of thought provoking news stories on a wide range of topics all right at each of our fingertips, why are we reduced to “small talk”.   Why can’t we intellectually discuss controversial issues anymore? 

I know there is a time and a place for everything, but the question of when that time is and that place is begs to be answered.  Do we need to schedule meetings with one another to talk about thoughtful and social issues, on such and such a date, and at an agreed upon time?  That would just never happen.  I believe the fact that we can generally only converse about “safe subjects” with those in our families and in our social circles is incredibly damaging to our society.  But I’m reduced to discussing the “safe” things with them all out of fear of a falling out, and hard feelings taking place.  And, quite frankly, because almost no one wishes to ever have these discussions.

I see that these important discussions often take place on the Internet, where people feel comfortable expressing their true opinions from the safety of their anonymous computer screens.  That’s great that important issues are being discussed in different forums online, however; it’s online where it tends to go down in a seriously less ethical way.  Perhaps the words “humane”, “fair”, and “mature” could all be equally interchangeable with “ethical”.  It’s on the Internet that many individuals turn to nasty remarks; mean-spirited posts and hatred fueled discussions ensue.  These discussions lack merit in the end, because instead of sticking to facts and being civil, there’s always those “trolls” who sling figurative mud at the others whom disagree with them.  I’d love to see these conversations taking place face to face, in a civil manner, with people we actually know, love, and socialize with regularly.  Especially intriguing, is when you can talk to another person who believes completely opposite of what you do.  So I can’t help but wonder:  Why can’t we all just “agree to disagree” as the cliché goes?  I’m asking myself more and more, “Where’s the passion!?”  Sure I hear the same griping about how our politicians could do better, be better, how there are no jobs, how inflation has gone through the roof, the housing market is corrupt and unjust.  But show me the thought process behind how you feel things could be made better!



Maybe it is just me.  I like a good debate.  Challenge me on my thoughts.  Make me question my beliefs.  I’ll either come away from it clinging more strongly to them, or I’ll be enlightened by the other side of the argument.  Only, that’s just it: these conversations need not be actual arguments.  I know I can’t be the only one who’s noticed a growing trend in people feeling personally attacked if you question why they feel the way they do.  The reality of it is, not everyone agrees with everything you think and believe in.  And I’m beginning to feel like the minority because I truly believe that’s a wonderful thing.  The fact that there are so many different people in this world keeps things interesting and keeps us as a people progressing.  I strongly believed in what Barack Obama and Joe Biden stood for in the last presidential election, and I had no qualms about broadcasting that.  An email conversation back in 2008 regarding the candidates running for office and their platforms took place among several individuals with different political beliefs during that time, and sadly it quickly went south because not everyone could respectfully disagree.  It’s very frustrating when people cannot remain calm, cool and collected (or at least refrain from insults and personal digs) during these debates of ideas.  Personally, I can still like you even if I think your opinion on the Jobs Bill is ridiculous, or if your ridicule of our Commander in Chief seems unfounded.  You can believe in a god that I find baffling, practice Judaism, Voodoo, Christianity, or be a Hippie Child, and as long as you are authentic, good natured and friendly I will judge you solely on your core.  Likewise, your view point on the immigration laws or the Wall Street Stand In may completely differ from mine, yet I will still show you respect and hear your thoughts without slandering you.  I may still question your decisions and feelings on these topics, but that only means I find interest in people and their behavior and because I’m curious as to why we people do the things we do and believe in the things we choose to believe in. 

I’ve been told, “I don’t want to have this conversation” when I casually bring up an article I read on Christianity, with a close relative.  I read constantly on social networking sites, statements such as “There are certain things that should never be discussed, like religion and politics” by friends of mine, and their friends.  I also see many poorly thought out responses made on these social networking pages to postings about one’s personal beliefs, instead of a thoughtful and respectful reply.  It’s infuriating for me to see. 

My own sister told me a few years ago that she thought I was an “extremist” because I called up my state representative and let my opinion be heard on an upcoming piece of legislation.  Why are regular folks being labeled as extreme when they show passion for something more than their immediate families?  Since when did it become over-the-top to demonstrate interest in more than shopping, media and celebrities, and our kids’ little league games?  And is there anyone else who feels the way I do about the lack of conversations taking place about the more profound and important issues in life?



If we all ceased to have these types of conversations, what will happen to our future?  If religion and politics and everything in between had never been discussed in the past, and if people like myself and a handful of others I know didn’t speak up and not only cast their votes but make certain to do what they can to make their voices be heard amongst their friends, families, and neighbors as well as their representatives- where in the world would we all be right now?



It’s a terrible thing if we “regular” adults aren’t having these imperative conversations, being that we are the ones who are responsible for making things happen in our own lives and in the lives of our children.  If our kids don’t hear us having these talks, these healthy debates of ideals and beliefs, how can we expect them to be passionate, proactive and caring individuals that will take responsibility for the ways things happen in their world?  These conversations can be thoughtful, respectful and a wonderful lesson in passion, civility, acceptance and accountability for ourselves and for our children.  They help us to grow, they aid us in understanding one another, and they give birth to new ways of thinking.  It all starts with conversation.  Let’s get back to meaningful ones.