Only your own kids will be the authentic reflections of
yourself. No amount of natural sunlight or
magnified mirrors could equate to the accurate reflection of oneself that one’s
own offspring offer up.
We all feel we’ve got a pretty good grasp on “Who we are”,
probably. For instance, if asked about
my personal traits, I might describe myself as generous, humorous, and passionate. (There are more adjectives I could throw out
there, but we’ll keep it short and positive.)
I feel I’m a pretty good judge of who I am, and how others perceive
me. But, having kids has made me realize
just how wrong I may have been all these years.
It’s been a real eye opener to see through my children just how I possibly
look and sound to the outside world.
For starters, I must use my hands a whole LOT during verbal
communication. This is a typical
behavior for someone of Italian decent, but it wasn’t so noticeable to me until
I began to see just how much my son throws his skinny little arms up and tosses
his hands about like he’s whippin’ around a pizza dough when speaking. Because his gestures are so all over the
place, I’ve become way more cognisant of my own nonverbal communications. If he’s this extravagant with his gestures,
and I can see he must have learned it from me, then certainly I can stand to
dial it back a bit. (“Work in
progress”. Add that to the list of ways
I’d also describe me.) And, so began my
journey to knowing myself on a different level.
So began the beginning of my new “self-analysis”…..
Have you ever really paid attention to how many words you
overuse? People often have a go-to
phrase or word that they use frequently, like “Wow”, or “Oh my god!”, or “that’s
crazy”. Well, apparently, I say “that’s
annoying” A LOT. I also seriously
overuse the word “seriously”. If I had a
nickel for every time my kids say to one another “that’s annoying”, “you’re
annoying me”, and “seriously!?!?”, I’d seriously have a shit load of
nickels! I used to think that I had a
pretty extended vocabulary and have always made a conscious effort to grow my
word bank on a regular basis. So to find
out that I am not as articulate as I’d once perceived myself to be was a bit
disappointing. Although it’s a tad hard
to admit, it’s right in my face on a regular basis so there’s really no denying
that they’ve learned this stuff from their mama. And if I’m this tired of hearing them utter
those words, well gosh- other people have got to be at least minimally bugged
by my saying them so much. And, just as
any good sitcom would have it- right on cue, another reminder of an annoying
and too-often-spoken saying of mine has just manifested, courtesy of my
children.
At this very moment, my
convenient sons brought to mind yet another phrase I could use some serious
scaling back on: While playing a Power Rangers game on their computer in the
other room, I hear one say to the other “turn it up, all the way”. The multi-tasking mom within me doesn’t skip
a beat while typing away here on this trusty old laptop and “No way, José!” I yell
to them. No. Way. José. Yeah, I really just said that. Really now…
Who the hell came up with that one?
AND, when the hell did I become
so corny!? I’m ashamed that my cool
factor has plummeted so far that this is a phrase I’ve now got to literally train myself to omit from my
vocabulary. You know when I first realized
that I even say this phrase at all? Last Spring, at my oldest boy’s “Mommy and Me
Polite Party” for Pre-K. As the teacher
pleasantly read a story about party etiquette and politeness, she polled the
children on the right and wrong ways for the story’s animal characters to
behave. My son yelled out “No way, José!” each
time the other kids answered with a simple “no”. I can recall thinking to myself, “Holy crap-
why is he saying this?” There was some
light giggling at him; as in, “Awe how cute” from the other mothers. But inside I was kind of mortified and asking
myself, “How often do I say this to the
kid?” Later that evening, I caught
myself uttering the same phrase. How
lame. I mean, seriously, what a lame
saying…. Who says that? (smh)
Welp…. Me. Obviously.
And apparently, A LOT. (Note to self, find cooler expressions to utter
than something involving some unknown Spanish dude’s name.)
It’s not all bad, though. I’m
pleased to report that I’ve projected some pretty fine words and ways onto
these offspring of mine. I’ve come to
realize that I’m quite the Polite Polly, through them. Because of my overuse in “thank you’s”,
“Pleases” and “Excuse me’s”, my little guys are pretty widely known as two respectful
lil dudes. I’ve learned about myself
that I value respect a whole lot, and it’s a proud moment for the hubs and I
when our children are complimented on their polite manners. They’re also very considerate of others and
generous with their help and with their toys.
Something I’m confident that I’d instilled in them through not just
instruction, but with my own actions in helping friends and through volunteer
work.
Yes. No matter how honest
your family or friends may be, no one can relay to you the ways you
authentically present yourself to the world better than your kids. By emulating the first teachers they have,
their parents, you are privy to exact attitudes, mannerisms, and words that
you’ve been unintentionally instilling into them, day after day. Many individuals describe children as
sponges. Perhaps, to some extent, this
is true. For me, my sons are more like
mirrors. Soaking in the true essence of
me, and reflecting it right back at me: Ugly, Lovely or indifferent.
These little “Reflections” don’t have a clue that they’re actually
helping teach me about bettering myself, or that they help navigate the way I
parent them as well. Every time I hear
them sigh loudly out of aggravation and frustration, I am made ever more aware
of my own issues with impatience. And I
work a little harder to demonstrate to them, and me, that a little patience and
understanding go a long way. And
whenever I see them helping a friend on the play ground, or assist one another
in cleaning up their crayons, I’m reminded about how important it is to be
cooperative and there for others.
These two boys are actually a pair of mirrors this sleep deprived
and disheveled mom won’t be avoiding any time soon. That’s for certain.
